Hedwig + Scabbers: A Love Story
The Not Newsletter goes NSFW
Photo by Lauren Dukes.
We’re getting NSFW this week, friends. The following piece was written and performed by me for Georgia Clark’s wonderful Erotic Fanfiction show at Caveat here in NYC. I had a great time and highly recommend you check it out next time the show is on. As a Harry Potter fanfiction girlie (come see my solo show 3/8 at 7:30pm at Union Hall), I knew I’d be writing from the world of HP, but I wanted to go somewhere no depraved fanfiction teen had gone before. In my many years of searching CHARACTER + CHARACTER + NC17 on Fanfiction.net, this was the only pairing that I never was able to find porn for. Without further ado, I give you…
Hedwig + Scabbers: A Love Story
The owlery was empty. Hedwig knew it would be. It was the holiday season and most of the other birds were busy shuttling gifts and well-wishes back and forth between Hogwarts students and their families, who are all Christian, by the way. But not Hedwig’s boy. Sometimes it paid to have an orphan for a master. Especially when that orphan had friends. Friends — with pets of their own.
A rustle by the doorway told Hedwig her man had arrived. She spun her head around to meet him and her eyes immediately fixed on his thick, wormlike tail.
“Scabbers,” she cooed. “I thought you’d never come.”
“I always come,” the rat winked, “right on time.”
Hedwig’s feathers ruffled pleasurably. Their courtship had not been a long one. With chemistry as electric as theirs, it was only a matter of time after they first locked eyes on the Hogwarts express that the two would find a way to get each other alone. They were only animals, after all. There wasn’t a corner of Hogwarts the two had not made love in — in full view of students who simply assumed that they were fighting. Why else would an owl be biting a rat so viciously? Surely it was her attempt to eat him for an early supper. Little did they know it was Scabbers who did most of the eating in this relationship.
When the other owls discovered the true nature of Hedwig and Scabbers’ relationship they shunned her. “He’s prey!” They shouted at her. But didn’t they see? That’s what made it so exciting – to put a talon to his tail and resist the urge to rip it clean off — that’s what really got Hedwig going.
“You look beautiful tonight,” Scabbers said, and she knew it was true. He had a way with words different from any other rat Hedwig had ever encountered. Her white feathers flushed with the heat of his attention.
“Are the boys asleep?” She asked, trying to hold back her desire to fly down upon him and devour him whole.
Scabbers shifted. He always behaved so strangely when they discussed their respective owners. Hedwig would often wonder if he was perhaps hiding some dark secret, but that couldn’t possibly be true. There could be no secrets between them – they who had seen each other’s most intimate parts laid bare.
“No, they’re up – wandering the castle under yours’s big blanket,” Scabbers finally said. “The girl one needs to break into the library or something.”
Hedwig rolled her eyes. She found the girl one especially annoying.
“Well, they’ll never find us here,” Hedwig replied, her voice husky with lust.
“Never,” Scabbers winked.
The two descended upon each other. They were a mix of fur and feathers — tails and talons — sweat and rat cum. When she could take it no longer Hedwig clicked her beak, a signal that let Scabbers know instantly her cloaca was his for the taking. The sounds of their lovemaking bounced off the stone walls of the Owelry and reverberated out onto the Hogwarts campus. Mrs. Norris peered her beady eyes around a nearby corner, attracted by the sounds of their rapturous simultaneous orgasms. She watched jealously as the two collapsed into the Owelry’s straw bedding, Hedwig's feathers splayed out in every direction.
“Another entry for the ‘ol spank bank,” The cat thought, before quietly sneaking away undetected.
The lovers laid motionless, breathing heavily into the pile of hay and owl droppings. It was pure bliss – until Hedwig sensed a shift in her lover. Quickly, he scurried up to a nearby window and peered out. Hedwig adjusted her feathers and followed him. His eyes were trained on a large, black dog.
“Do you think he heard us?” Hedwig asked playfully, putting her head on Scabbers’ shoulder.
“I hope not,” her lover responded gravely.
“Darling, is something wrong?” Hedwig asked, hoping the answer would not ruin this perfect moment. But then again, each moment the two spent together was sheer ecstasy. What could ruin that?
Just then, Scabbers began to weep.
“Darling!” Hedwig cried, pulling him close with her wing, “What’s the matter? Tell me now!”
Scabbers sobbed deeply into her plumage then gulped, “There’s something I have to tell you.”
This was exactly what Hedwig had feared. Her lover had been harboring a secret. But it was no matter. The two could make it through anything.
Hedwig took Scabbers’ pointed face in her wings and looked deeply into his beady little eyes, “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”
Scabbers took a deep breath, and with three words shattered her whole world, “I’m a human.”
The words hit Hedwig right in the gut. “What?” She asked in disbelief. “How could that be true?”
“It is,” he said sadly. And just then, right before her enormous eyes, Hedwig’s lover transformed. No longer was he the handsome thick tailed rat she’d fallen in love with. In his place instead, stood a man. A short, balding middle-aged man with weird teeth.
“What the literal fuck?” Hedwig said in horror.
“Darling it’s still me!” The man said. “It’s still me inside! Darling please - “
He tried to take her wing, but she pulled it away.
“I was miserable as a rat until I met you. But we’ve known such happiness — and we can know it again! See!”
The disgusting man turned back into her beloved, but Hedwig could already see that he was not the same. The veil had dropped, and it could not be put back in its place.
“But…but why live as a rat at all? And you’ve been…you’ve been living in the boys’ dormitory? Don’t you sleep in Ron’s bed?”
Scabbers shifted uncomfortably, “He leaves a little space for me on his pillow! What else was I supposed to do? Darling I had to live as a rat because thirteen years ago I – I –” he hung his head in shame, “I provided information to He Who Must Not Be Named that led to the death of Harry Potter’s parents.”
“WHAT?!?” Hedwig screamed, “Harry? My Harry? You…you killed my Harry’s parents? He’s like, really messed up from that!”
“Please, darling! Forgive me!” Scabbers cried.
Enraged, Hedwig took flight, perching herself atop one of the Owelry’s highest rafters.
“You lied to me, Scabbers,” she called down. “I could forgive the murder. But lying – never.”
Scabbers opened his mouth to speak, but Hedwig continued on, “You now have five seconds to get out of my Owlery before I descend upon you and devour you whole.”
“You wouldnt —”
“I would,” Hedwig said definitively, turning her back to him.
Scabbers nodded and made his way to the door, tail shining in the moonlight. As he did, Hedwig spun her head around, catching one last glimpse of the rat man who had been her love.
***promos and plugs***
Low Stakes is back at The Gutter tonight at 8pm! Great lineup! Free plus we usually give out prizes/drink tickets. Come on out!
For the love of God please come to my solo show 3/8 at 7:30pm at Union Hall, especially if you liked this week’s newsletter. Additionally, if you liked this week’s newsletter, please speak with your mental health professional. Help is out there.
Until next time!
Besitos,
Alise
LMAOOOOO