Going Viral from Beyond the Grave
The internet is forever.
I recently had a very funny experience. A tweet that I sent out nearly a year ago when Danny and I were on a trip to Chicago started going viral - seemingly out of nowhere - via screenshots posted to various meme pages and eventually made its way back around to Twitter via an account called the “Internet Hall of Fame”. This was particularly baffling to me because I permanently deleted my Twitter account months ago, and the tweet had not gone particularly viral at the time (if I remember correctly it was ~1,000 retweets, which is not nothing but well below “viral” status).
For the record, this is the tweet, which will live in memoriam on pages like '“@BeigeCardigan”* and the aptly titled “@ReallyDumbTweets”:
So here’s the story: Danny and I spent our anniversary last year at the lake in Wisconsin, partially because that’s what we could afford, and partially because we hadn’t been back to visit Danny’s family for a while. We also took a few days out of the trip to visit some of Danny’s friends in Chicago, which I had not visited since my college improv team took a trip there in 2011 and mostly fought the entire time. It was there that the infamous Uber incident occurred.
Danny and I had gone out to dinner, gotten pretty drunk, and were very tired when we tumbled into the Uber back to his friend’s home that was a little way outside of the city (don’t ask me where - I don’t know Chicago like that). We were in for about a 30-40 minute ride, if I remember correctly, and I think both of us intended to fall asleep. So when our driver turned to us and said, “Mind if I take a call?” the answer was obviously yes. Honestly, the answer would always be yes. Uber driver’s car, Uber driver’s rules.
About five minutes into the call I started to register that a breakup was occurring. There were no raised voices, but the driver was saying things like, “I appreciate that,” and “I think we’ve just come to the end of the road.” As best as I could understand, neither person wanted to move to the other’s city and the relationship had simply run its course. The conversation was very respectful - at least on the Uber driver’s end - and it seemed like there was a lot of love there.
I wish them both the best.
Danny and I both sat in the back pretending to be asleep for the entire ride. We waited until he’d pulled away (conversation still ongoing) before we turned to each other and said “…did that really just happen?” We compared notes and determine it had, in fact, really just happened, and that was it. We told our friends about it the next day. I sent out the tweet, and we moved on with our lives. A funny yet ultimately unremarkable story, to be sure.
Now that you know the deets, I’ll tell you how all this made me feel, which was very weird. I left Twitter for all the usual reasons (it’s a cesspool, Elon sucks, etc…) but also because I decided I never wanted to go viral on that website again. If you’ve never had the experience of going viral on Twitter, it goes a little something like this:
Oh cool! People like my tweet! (500 - 1,000 RTs)
Hmm…some of these replies are getting weird. (1,000 - 5,000 RTs)
Okay…people are getting really weird…I think I have to mute this now (5,000 - 10,000 RTs)
Oh my God someone has accused me of murder (10,000+ RTs)
As I mentioned before, the original tweet only ever got to level 2, so the most annoying thing I had to deal with was men accusing me of lying, usually by quote tweeting with the line “Things that never happened for 500.” I’m not sure why they think this story is so unbelievable - one of the most common replies was people saying they’d had a similar experience - but whatever. Best guess is they just live pretty boring lives.
The real issue comes when you get to level 4, which has happened to me exactly once. I was putzing around Twitter - as I was wont to do at that time - when I saw some kind of semi-viral discourse about how child-free weddings were “tacky.” I had had a child-free wedding, so I fired off a tweet to the effect of “blocked someone today for saying child-free weddings are tacky. keep your brats away from my open bar.”
Then I went about my day.
It’s important to note that generally, my tweets got zero interaction. I was no stranger to a less than five like-er in my time, so I had no reason to think this observation would go anywhere.
I ended up being very, very wrong.
This tweet - which wasn’t even a sentiment I cared much about - went crazy viral. And while some people agreed, other people were pissed. I had strangers going to my wedding website to pull apart my wedding limb from limb, a teenager told me my wedding dress was “mid” (still stings, tbh), and one woman accused me of fostering an attitude that gets children across the globe murdered. We had reached level four, folks. And it was not fun.
When a journalist contacted me via my personal website to say they were writing an article about the tweet, I deleted the thread and shut the whole thing down. Even still, “Alise Morales weddings” is one of the top search items if you google my name. I will honestly never live it down.
This is why I think my sudden beyond-the-grave virality freaked me out so much. People say the internet is forever, and in my mind I knew that to be true, but to actually see a screenshot resurrected from a defunct account out of the blue felt like an invasion of privacy. I deleted my Twitter, goddammit! Will my random musings never be laid to rest?
Luckily, the responses this time around were generally positive, though I did still get the occasional accusation of lying. When the screenshot made its way from Instagram to Twitter, I almost didn’t look at it for fear I was being dunked on by a random mass of accounts, but that did not come to pass.
I was right about child-free weddings tho. And about bodegas. But that’s a Twitter discourse to be resurrected on another day.
xoxo
alise morales, twitter legend
***important notes***
* Did you know that if Beige Cardigan - which is owned by Fuck Jerry - posts your tweet they will now Venmo you $50? That whole #FuckFuckJerry thing from 2019 must have really done a number on ‘em. God bless. I needed that $50.
***promos and plugs***
* I’m on a very fun stand up show Saturday at BCC at 7pm called the “BEATONYS” hosted by the Playbill-esque satire site Broadway Beat. Tickets here. Great lineup! Should be fun!
* I’m going on vacation at the end of the month then doing Martin Urbano’s “problematic” game show “Why Would You Ask That?” at Caveat. Also a great lineup! Also should be fun! Tickets here.
*A short film I am in is screening at Palm Springs Short Fest and I am very excited! It’s called “The Launch” by the wonderful and talented KK Apple and I play one of the founders of Microsoft alongside social media legend Alyssa Limperis (as Bill Gates), the infinitely hilarious Kate Sisk (as Steve Ballmer), and How I Met Your Father’s Tien Tran! Also other great folks! Definitely check it out if you live in Palm Springs (lucky you) or are going to be at the fest.
*As always I will be posting an audio version of this newsletter on the Lace App, which I encourage you to check out. Download here.
*Please engage with this character video I posted last week either on Instagram or TikTok. Julia Fox commented on the TikTok.
* I have nothing to do with this but my friend Michael Cruz Kayne is running a hilarious and moving show about the death of his son (it really is funny, I swear) at the Minetta Lane Theater and it is a must-see if you’re in NYC! I believe they just extended the run. Directed by the wickedly talented Josh Sharp. I laughed! I cried! Tickets here.